What's That Smell?

As a writer, I've been watching current events in my Belize and as we stumble through the news cycle from murder to scandal and back again, have composed numerous articles in my head to describe what I'm seeing. As quickly as I compose them, I dispose of them, running them through a mental shredder because 'that's not quite what I wanted to say.' However, as I'm sure someone profound said at some point, the only way to get to the destination is to start the journey.

Make no mistake about this: I love my country. I love Belize with all the desperation of two lovers who fight all the time, but in the end acknowledge that they can't live without each other and thus after a day of argument, go to bed secure in the peace of that knowledge. What I don't like, the thing that causes major conflict between head and heart, is what's happening to my beautiful country, and why.

Now, before you rush to apply your personal labels, let me make clear that I am neither PUP nor UDP. I have no patience with blind loyalty, and this is the primary requirement of party membership, therefore neither side will tolerate the likes of me, a fact of which I am inordinately proud. So if you are a blind party loyalist who can bear no message that isn't tinted with your favorite color, what I have to say isn't for your ears, or um, eyes.

That, however, is where I begin with my observations of the flaws that mar Belize's natural beauty. Whatever happened to freedom of speech? It seems these days as though the thought police are on patrol, armored in ignorance, equipped with a full arsenal of abusive language and growing rabidly (pun intended) in numbers. Say the wrong thing too loudly and find yourself 'bashed' by one media house or another; become someone's weekly cartoon. Maybe we never have had freedom of speech. I mean, my grandfather always tells me stories about Leigh Richardson being threatened and leaving the country and about the Billboard Press being burned down. Is this ancient history, or was it the beginning of current events?

These days, a lot of the 'wrong thing' that you may rashly criticize fits under the heading of corruption. Today a politician comes from the people, and he'll remind you of that every chance he gets, even though he's long since forgotten it himself.  Grassroots-poor, he wins in a division and within months, if he has landed a cushy Cabinet portfolio, he suddenly has multiple houses, expensive women, a car he might once have had the job to wash. Dare to openly observe this sudden wealth to the nearest loyalist of his chosen party and brace yourself for a tongue-lashing. Sadly, the accusations will include calling you an opposition supporter, telling you that the opposition did worse, claiming that "it's our turn; we have to give our people a break." Lately, the shrill tones of "where were you when the opposition was doing their dirty deeds" overpower the voices of protest against the profligacy we can no longer afford -not that we ever could afford it, mind you. Right versus wrong no longer have any relevance in the national debate, and this is a sad, sad thing for our democracy.

Our leaders, when in opposition, make the most beautiful promises. They tell us what they know we want to hear, promise that they'll do what we want them to do, and we, their dance partner in this eternal tango, go along and give them the chance to keep their promises, even though we know they won't. Twelve years ago, we heard the promises and saw instead wholesale delivery of our country into private hands. Yes, the Lord became our Shepherd and he did not want for anything, and we were outraged, remember? Two years ago, we were promised deliverance from the Lord and his bloated, corrupted, decaying lackeys and we greedily swallowed the hook with which that promise was baited. As part of the package, we were promised transparency but instead got corruption wrapped in the pretty, crackling cellophane of vengeance and tied with a thick ribbon of nepotism. 

Where were we when the last crowd did the dirty deed of fiscal rape? Right there biding our time. We know not from revolution; our teeth and claws are sharp, pretty things that we've never learned to use, but we do know how to vote out the nasty boys, so we did what we knew to do. But the opposition-who-became-government asks that question every single time we point out the obvious. It is their only defence, this offensive question. My answer to them? I was preparing to give you a chance to be the better man, and I see now that you've blown it.

Don't tell me we're less corrupt than we were, that comment alone confirms that we are corrupt. Don't tell me the other guy did worse, voting you in was not granting you a license to do whatever you want as long as you keep it 10% below him. For one thing, your measuring stick is way off, and we now think you're just as bad. See, corruption is corruption, regardless of scale. According to the law a thief is a thief no matter what he steals, and thus it is with you. While people continue to starve and live in shanties, don't content yourself with blaming the other guy when you aren't doing that which it is in your power to do. Oh yes, and by color-coding everyone and filing them according to assigned color, you take us further down the path of national destruction. We, yes, WE elected you to govern ALL of us. If we have broken the law, deal with us accordingly. If we have not, and we are in fact law-abiding citizens, productive members of society who just happen to have a difference of political opinion, suck it up, quit whining and let us be stupid and wrong in our thinking and you just get on with governing the entire country responsibly, which is the job you were hired to do.

What can we do anyway? Who listens to us? Are we to vote in yet another failed-government-in-waiting come 2013? A thousand times 'no!' to that one, emphatically no, because John & Co. have done nothing to earn my respect, much less my vote. They've been too busy saving their own ample derrieres and fighting over the spoils instead of cleaning up their well-exposed act. But I'll tell you flat out that this gang, this fountain of excuses for not properly leading, can't be allowed to continue either. The way I see it, if we don't begin to demand better, then we deserve to stay on the downhill slope, hurtling headlong toward the cliff's edge. 

I'll leave you with this question: do you remember when Belcan Bridge was blanketed with the smoke of burning tires? Do you remember the government of the day's howls of indignance because a certain Opposition Leader had called for civil disobedience? 

Maybe it's time we took up his suggestion.

Something Borrowed, Something Blue

You will agree that some of the actions of the previous government, especially in the latter half of its tenure, were atrocious. They were atrocious enough to incite riots and demonstrations, remember? Hell, the actions of the previous government are directly responsible for the mayor Belize City has today! How can we ever forgive them for just that one deed?

The current government though, that's the one in charge right now, so that's the one we need to focus on. And in less than two years, this mob has managed, using the chorus "the PUP did worse," to actually be worse than (or equivalent to) the notorious PUP in a surprising number of ways. For example:

• What is this new and improved practice of giving import permits only to the party faithful and excluding the honest small businesses from the opportunity to better their lot? The PUP did it too, but this lot have taken it now to a fine and authoritarian, even monopolistic art. I guess they are better than the PUP, hmmm?
• What about grants/loans to party faithful who don't need it? Old news, BLUE news.
  
• What about contracts signed without authority, contracts with national impact that are forgiven by a casually tossed 'she meant well?' Yes, that seems familiar too.
  
• What about ministers out of control, who get more out of control because their boss wants an impossible burden of proof from those who speak up? Deja vu strikes again.
  
• What about the truckloads of contraband goods that pass through our ports and borders unchecked while a few villagers lose their two dory loads? Uhhh, check that off the blue list too.
• So much more, little of it original, much of it refined beyond what the original inventors imagined. Our evolution is no longer from red to blue to red to blue. It's from bad to worse, and so on. Down the slippery slope we go!
  

Money rules, gang. The new, ultra-modern cardinal rule is: party before country, and money before all. If you wish to run for political office, remember that and everything else will follow automatically. For example, it will go without saying that doing the right thing or the lawful thing is neither essential nor even advisable. A reputation as a good and honest person will work against you in our political world. A conscience? That'll take you to the edge, man -political suicide follows that kind of thinking.

Mr. Barrow, is this what you want those of us in the next generation to learn?

The Incorruptible Ostrich

The trouble with having lawyers in charge of the country is that they have a different perspective from normal folk. We see right and wrong; lawyers see legal and illegal. And unfortunately, when the lawyers are leaders of the lawmakers, if something is illegal, that's easily fixed. If something is legal, it doesn't really matter whether it's wrong or right, the only thing that matters is that no one will go to jail...ever! Ethics and morality have been put through the shredder and are no longer relevant in our democracy's struggle for survival.

The media is abuzz this week over one TV station's offer of a reward for information leading to the conviction of individuals involved in corruption at the Ministry of Lands. Earlier this week the Prime Minister was on another TV station proclaiming his personal incorruptibility. I don't dispute that the PM himself is not corrupt, but he should be careful for whom he puts his head on the block, as he has now done for the Lands Minister.

The PM has long asked for proof of corruption, and he renewed that request again this week, specifically in relation to the Lands issue. The problem is, being mortal, he suffers from a blind spot where 'friends' are concerned. Being a lawyer, he deals with that blind spot by demanding a level of proof normally reserved for a courtroom. Minister Coy is, to date, the only minister unschooled (let's be polite) enough to leave that kind of proof. You can bet that his colleagues have learned from his mistake, and then go double or nothing that Coy's not the only member of Cabinet who operates in the certain knowledge that Ministerial rank puts you above the law. Remember, he gets to be Minister again after a six-month holiday, and we haven't heard of any real penalties for the constituent he intervened to protect...click here to email info about penalties, I'd love to be corrected.

A memorable example of the triumph of denial over doing what's right would be Ms Haylock's contract between NICH and one Gegg. This document was procedurally suspect, ethically questionable, but not actually illegal, and so Ms Haylock, a good friend of our leader, was excused with a light slap on the wrist while the Minister who dared to question the transaction was given das boot, an outcome many pundits predicted. And so it will apparently go into eternity, cyclical but endless.

Let me say very clearly here that "the PUP did way worse," "this is the way it's always been" and all the other similar expressions are absolutely unacceptable to us voters. Equally unacceptable is the notion of a leader who closes his eyes and proclaims his personal innocence while others run rampant. "I didn't burn down the house" does not absolve you if you stood by watching the flames consume it. We fired the PUP because we didn't like what they were doing; doing ten percent less doesn't mean your crowd is better, it just means they aren't (yet) as bad. But yes, I do acknowledge that it is progress to have an incorrupt leader -it just isn't enough progress.

Prime Minister, Edmund Burke said it best: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Do you want to go down in history as the incorruptible leader who presided over rampant, unchecked corruption? Or would you prefer our descendants to remember you as the true leader, the statesman who made the hard decisions, who punished even his friends harshly if they did wrong, who made our country a shining example of democracy and discipline? It's not too late for the latter.

What will your legacy be, Honourable Prime Minister? Incorruptible ostrich or exemplary leader?

Much Ado About Absolutely Nada

So Z loaded her favorite currency into the matrimonial purse. So what? By which I obviously mean, "Congrats Z, on making it official!"  Anyway, other than the fact that after much speculation we are thrilled to know she opted to marry locally, this ain't no big deal in the scheme of current affairs. It doesn't stop crime or lower the cost of living or clean up the city...except for the parking spots along the wedding route for one afternoon.

I do congratulate the Moyas on mixing work and play for their honeymoon in Barbados. Being the above-board lady that she is, I am absolutely certain that Z's paying the tab herself for all the plane fares and hotel and such, so kudos to the newlyweds on not fleecing the country to pay for the pleasure portion...not everybody would be so straight-up, you know?

For the media, can we PLEASE not see anymore wedding pictures? Please, let it go. I mean the fact that the Mayor got married and that the colours were white and cotton candy pink and that they kissed for the paparazzi -that did set tongues wagging though, didn't it- and that all the uppercrust of a specific political hue were present...eh, enough! The defiance of swine flu protocols...well, some are more equal than others, according to a story about a certain farm in which the (oops!) swine ruled. So those leading boars et al deemed worthy of attending would automatically be deemed impervious to the virus, no?

As I said, let it go. In a city where the Mayor rules as an absolute monarch over subjects living and dying in unnecessary poverty and squalor, it is somehow fitting that a royal wedding be held in the midst of the misery. Ah, let them eat [wedding] cake!

Headlines You'll Never Read in the Belize News

Increased Illegal Immigration from China -Officials Blame Deep Potholes for Providing Access

Breaking News! Insiders Confirm Zenaida's Hair is Real

Political Parties Agree...to Disagree -Public D'uh Rating Hits Unprecedented High

"Clear the Land's" Secret Twin Brother, "Clear the Sea" Identified as Gaspar Vega

Attorney General Admits Justice System "May Have One or Two Flaws"

PUC Head Agrees to Salary Decrease in Line With Fuel Price Reductions

PUP Party Postponed Indefinitely -No Cheese for Wine-rs

Honesty Not Best Policy, Survey of Belizean Politicians Reveals

Former Finance Minister Makes Statement to Court -Says "Nyah-nyah, Can't Catch Me!"

And finally...

Mayor "Just Dizzy" About Roundabouts, Says Trees in Parks are "Highly Overrated, Yuh Knoa?"

Red, Blue and Shades of Gray

A hilarious thing happened to me the other day. Within the space of a half-day I was, with equal vehemence, called both a PUP and a UDP. Both of my accusers threw their insults at me with similar distaste. I was at first offended; then I shifted gears to amusement because the reason for the accusation was the same on both sides: I had dared to criticize the party they supported!

Now, you need to understand that I’m an average Belizean. Maybe a little more educated than most, but average in that I go out and earn my daily bread in a job that, while spiritually unrewarding, allows me to finance that which fulfills my life. Average citizen that I am, I share in my fellow citizens’ fury every time a politician does something that tarnishes his office. Our angst, you see, is colorblind. And our colorblindness reveals certain negative yet increasingly common traits or habits in politicians of both major parties when they are in office:*

Get a really baaad car. The ministerial ride is a total babe magnet, and your vehicle choice will be one of the most important decisions you make as Minister. Of course, these days, with all the nice cars out there you also ought to slap a red license plate on there so the babes know for sure who you are. Man, does that send them right into your arms!

Taste the power. Hey, you’re a minister now, you must know that means you can do anything you want. Por Dios…and you are Dios…who can stop you from doing it? Go ahead, use your name and rank everywhere, the people will be breathless as you wield your power to give your best friend land, or make sure that your constituent gets that job, appointment or contract, whether or not he deserves it. Incidentally, this is one way to win the working man’s heart, when you give his lazy, shiftless neighbor gifts untold just because said neighbor controls fourteen votes.

Profile, profile, profile. You, by virtue of your victory and subsequent ministerial appointment, have been rendered psychic. You therefore can tell, just by looking at any person in the street, whether they voted for or against you. As the Miss Cleo of politicians you will know with absolute certainty that someone voted against you by their family name, the clothes they wear, the food they eat, and because they didn’t fall on their knees to kiss your butt the moment you walked in the room. If you even think someone voted against you, they are The Enemy, remember this and rough ‘em up accordingly. Odds are your career will be just as successful as Miss Cleo’s if you follow your psychic instincts.

Power = wealth within 5 years. Being omnipotent, and psychic too, you are in a position to take advantage of opportunities, whether or not you deserve them. Be creative, and things being what they are, you will make sure to have a retirement package ready for the end of your five-year contract. Just in case. In short, plan for the day when your friends turn out to be enemies you couldn’t see because they ducked behind your butt and planted kisses there for camouflage.

Criticism is always politically motivated. This is where I came in. Try to discipline yourself to recite the mantra “that’s political.” Whenever someone disapproves of your action, be it media, organization or private citizen, say “that’s political” and the comment will magically be made ineffective. Take care with this one though, as the long term effect has more than once been to make ruling governments jobless.

The day that I was so viciously and bilaterally accused, I went home thinking I had done something wrong because I hadn’t convinced my acquaintances that I was on their side. Then I slapped myself silly for thinking that. Hell, I did good, because I established that I wasn’t a party-line toeing robot. I’m a free thinker and as such an endangered species. When we become extinct and the brainwashed members of the political cults take over completely, the country will be utterly lost.

Who is really The Enemy of Belize? Is it the guy selling out your country or the guy telling the truth about the sellout of your country? Answer that correctly and I’ll be the ‘P’ on your side.

*These traits have been widely observed in our leadership over the last few decades. They can appear in any order, and are not limited to those listed above. If you’ve seen others, please feel free to share with the author and readers by clicking ‘comment’ and making your addition.

License to Govern

A friend of mine saw something yesterday that made her angry, unreasonably so, I thought at first. She saw a government vehicle with red license plates, front and back, bearing the word ‘MINISTER’ in white letters. “It’s only a small law, I know, but then lawbreaking usually starts with the small ones” she observed. For those of you unfamiliar with these things, Belize government vehicles should have blue ‘B’ plates with numbers on them, not words. Those of you familiar with party politics here will understand why lesser men of the current government would have a problem with blue plates, though I shouldn’t have thought the numbers would be offensive.

Why, I asked myself, was my friend so upset? Against the backdrop of $40 million being given to someone who cares not one jot for the welfare of Belize and her people, why would a license plate costing less than $100 in taxpayer funds matter?

Of course, there’s the practical consideration that if twenty or so of these vehicles are distributed throughout the country, and one of them is in an accident or used in the commission of a crime, the usual method of identification is no longer viable for that vehicle.

But that’s not what had my friend so upset. Even she might not understand the basis for her fury, but I think it’s this: if you are a true leader and interested in the welfare of your people, if you have within you the kind of humility seen in the greatest of world leaders, you require no labels to be recognized in your greatness. Conversely, if you do require labels, your insistence on them indicates an inability to demonstrate the sort of leadership this country requires in order to survive its upcoming trials. It shows weakness of purpose. I think my friend was reacting from a subconscious fear that this kind of trivial thinking leads us down a dangerous road.

Here’s the deal MINISTERS, we need you to pay attention to what matters. Get our $40 million back (and all the other millions), put the thieves in jail, stop the killings, deal with the AIDS and drug epidemics, lock the pedophiles away from our children, make the tax evaders pay, and reduce our cost of living. The time you spend being preoccupied with the colour of a license plate and the newness of the vehicle it’s posted on distracts you from all of that. You want my respect? Make my life and lives of the rest of my countrymen better, and try your damndest to stick to the laws of Belize while you’re at it. That’s the only way to show me that you’re better than the last bunch.

In the meantime, you want to improve the appearance of your nice, new, shiny vehicles? Put Belize flags on them. These might serve as reminders to you of who paid for them.

Are We Awake Yet?

A new day, a new ruling party. The romance of the giant flags recedes, replaced by reality in living color. No one doubts what the truth will be, yet everyone believes a different truth. Can we hope for a happy ending that gives us a new beginning? Is it time? Or will new vehicles be bought once more, favors granted to a fortunate one or too few. Will the spirits of Orwellian swine take over their souls? We wonder aloud, ceaselessly, restlessly; our questions are waves flung against barren, answerless rocks. Ask the oracle, but she's the sphynx; your reward will be another riddle.

"I have six children," the woman cries. "I can't live eena no laptop!" Hallooo, is that reality we hear? A cry for 'sympathization' or of rage? Hope springs eternal, but springs run dry too...and leave us high...on infinite despair.

Nothing to do but wait. And watch. We watch like hawks, ready to swoop down on weakening prey, even as they fall victim to the desire for gain, succumb to the deadly poison that is greed.

It can't go wrong anymore. Do you worship mediocrity? Move on then. Find other game. We'll accept perfection, not a penny less.