Parasite!

–noun
1. an organism that lives on or in an organism of another species, known as the host, from the body of which it obtains nutriment.
2. a person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others without giving any useful or proper return, as one who lives on the hospitality of others.

Synonyms:
2. sycophant, toady, leech, sponge, hanger-on.

Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009.

par·a·site (par'?-sit')
n.
1. Biology An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a different organism while contributing nothing to the survival of its host.
2. 1. One who habitually takes advantage of the generosity of others without making any useful return.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2009 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

parasite par·a·site (par'?-sit')
n. 1. An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a different organism while contributing nothing to the survival of its host.

The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary
Copyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.

You guys get the drift? Parasites are nasty little things that feed off their hosts, sometimes to the point of destroying them, but give absolutely nothing in return. In our politics, that person is a fixed part of the food chain. In our politics, sometimes we even have layers of parasites, i.e. the ones who are running the state feed off our taxpayer funds and the leeches attached to them feed off their fat host in turn. Otherwise known as catching the crumbs from the master's table.

What we are seeing now, the implosion of the two major political parties, is the result of their parasites taking turns draining the ultimate host to the point of near death. The spoils are fewer, and the scrambling for them both more vicious and more desperate. The ultimate host is our beleaguered, nearly destitute country, and every leech in every hue is responsible for Belize's deplorable condition. See, a greedy leech will kill its host, and therefore ultimately destroy its sole means of support. This is the message behind the fable of the golden goose, but we never learn, do we?

The easiest way to recognize this leechlike political creature is to look for someone who, before entering politics, was near bankruptcy (in business) or of a certain salaried income level. He (or she) enters politics and is suddenly, inexplicably, oozing wealth from every pore. He/she builds a multimillion dollar mansion; he/she brings their business from pending death to crazy wealth; he/she can own multiple houses for rent when the bank was once foreclosing on the only house they had.... Again, you've seen it and you know someone whose foot fits that metaphorical shoe. Unexplainable wealth elsewhere triggers investigation, but not in Belize, because parasites on the other side are satisfied merely to think "my turn will come." You see, parasites cannot survive without their host body to feed on. Parasites cannot successfully run an honest business, and parasites are never satisfied with a decent, honestly earned income. When in opposition, parasites' names are called in foreclosures, and parasites get listed for unpaid bills of every kind. But parasites out of power cannot loudly condemn ruling parasites lest they cut off their own path to wealth.

Have you ever met someone who holds no official position but who can still get things done almost effortlessly? Think of land transactions, trade license and property tax discounts, passage of goods with no duty paid, that kind of thing. These days it seems you can even include the phrase nolle prosequi in their repertoire. This parasite manifests the kinds of sudden, unexplained wealth gains mentioned above, and is nine times out of ten attached leechlike to the side of a powerful minister. The tenth parasite has assumed a position that gives power to make a profit without toadying to a Minister...except to keep the position, of course. This parasite will use his(her) affiliation to cajole, bully, bribe public servants to get things done for himself and his friends, legality be damned.

How about our elected leaders? Now, it's not fair to say that all of our elected leaders or their opposite numbers are parasites, but the growing unpopularity of our two ruling parties and the growing stigma attached to politics as practiced in our little nation state means that there's plenty of opportunity for the leeches to become legislators. Remember the UDP in 1998 and for the following five years? No one would have anything to do with them, and so they had to take any and all comers, leeches included. Today's PUP is paddling a similar watercraft up a similar creek.

In order for this country to survive...and maybe one day thrive, the few elected leaders that aren't parasites ought to wake up, step up and crack down on their colleagues. Those elected leaders ought also to be pushing for reforms that clip the wings of their fellow demigods, but no politician willingly gives up his own power, so here we remain. In political expediency (or will) lies the rub: will the current Prime Minister apply discipline in a decisive manner even when it may be politically damaging to do so? None have before him. From 1993 to 1998, Manuel Esquivel was managing a very fragile coalition, so that his Ministers could misbehave with impunity. The events of 1998 to 2008 include many more stories of Ministers pillaging our national accounts...and we know how that went. Now we have a rogue Mayor, but she's far from the only sinner. Were Cabinet to turn a mirror upon itself.... The question is, will Z be the sole example made in the name of transparency? If the UDP even makes an example of her, that is.

At the rate we're going, the messages being delivered through the endless red and blue scandals are: 1) don't get caught; 2) if you do get caught, brazen it out. At no point has anyone demonstrated why you shouldn't do the nasty in the first place. And the leeches continue to suck the host dry, and we as a people continue to tolerate them.

Whose turn is it next? Let's set them straight from now. No more leeches! No more leeches! No more leeches! Come on, say it...no more leeches!

Democracy Is For Suckers

Oh Dean. Dear old Dean, fourth Honourable Prime Minister, yet to be Right, but Honourable nonetheless. I have a simple question for you, and I hope that you'll be able to provide your voting public with a simple, no-nonsense, monosyllabic kind of answer. The question is, when will you start to really run the country?

It sounds like a funny question, I know, and you're probably inclined to be a little offended. But bear with me here, I'll get right down to making my case.

Ihe first fact is, crime is only getting worse. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but your Cabinet's decision to put Crispin as Top Cop didn't exactly scare the criminals off the street. Hell, what does it matter if the cops do start arresting all the bad guys? They'll get off in court anyway. Between Dickie Bradley and witness intimidation, a criminal has to be pretty stupid (or broke) to get convicted these days -and if he does, he won't hang anyway. Which leads me to a good question: what are your fellow legal eagles doing about crime besides profiting from all the court activity?

That was crime. Now let's talk about Lands and Immigration, both the bane of the common man's existence. All of your friends probably have no problem getting their passport or their land title, but the rest of us look at transactions in either department as less enjoyable than to a trip to Hell in high summer. So when are you gonna get Gapi to start doing his job? Actually, when are you gonna start taking more than a politically-biased look at Gapi? You'd be amazed what you'll find...the rest of us are quite dismayed.

On the business side, judging from the 'railing up' I've been hearing, it looks like all of the business community feels like there's a gigantic bullseye painted on its collective back. The only folks who aren't murmuring are the, um, 'naughty' ones...many of whom are your most boisterous supporters. According to them, life is good, taxes are optional, and who the heck cares if a law or two disintegrates under their treatment? Unethical + immoral + illegal = untouchable due to political connections. And to think we were silly enough to think that you lot would be better than the last -we didn't realize that 'better' meant 'more skilled.'

I really don't mean to lecture, and I admit that armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers are my least favourite people, but honestly, there is more to governing than trying nonstop to nail the Lord's carcass to the wall -not that I have a problem with that, we just need more from you. Here's what we want: control your ministers; stop defending your friends and overlooking their misdeeds -bad is bad no matter who you are; begin to set an example for the rest of us by starting the cleanup at the top.

Mister Prime Minister, we need Belize to be cleaned up, and in order to achieve that, we need you to start exhibiting that real leadership you promised. When should we expect to see it?

Red, Blue and Shades of Gray

A hilarious thing happened to me the other day. Within the space of a half-day I was, with equal vehemence, called both a PUP and a UDP. Both of my accusers threw their insults at me with similar distaste. I was at first offended; then I shifted gears to amusement because the reason for the accusation was the same on both sides: I had dared to criticize the party they supported!

Now, you need to understand that I’m an average Belizean. Maybe a little more educated than most, but average in that I go out and earn my daily bread in a job that, while spiritually unrewarding, allows me to finance that which fulfills my life. Average citizen that I am, I share in my fellow citizens’ fury every time a politician does something that tarnishes his office. Our angst, you see, is colorblind. And our colorblindness reveals certain negative yet increasingly common traits or habits in politicians of both major parties when they are in office:*

Get a really baaad car. The ministerial ride is a total babe magnet, and your vehicle choice will be one of the most important decisions you make as Minister. Of course, these days, with all the nice cars out there you also ought to slap a red license plate on there so the babes know for sure who you are. Man, does that send them right into your arms!

Taste the power. Hey, you’re a minister now, you must know that means you can do anything you want. Por Dios…and you are Dios…who can stop you from doing it? Go ahead, use your name and rank everywhere, the people will be breathless as you wield your power to give your best friend land, or make sure that your constituent gets that job, appointment or contract, whether or not he deserves it. Incidentally, this is one way to win the working man’s heart, when you give his lazy, shiftless neighbor gifts untold just because said neighbor controls fourteen votes.

Profile, profile, profile. You, by virtue of your victory and subsequent ministerial appointment, have been rendered psychic. You therefore can tell, just by looking at any person in the street, whether they voted for or against you. As the Miss Cleo of politicians you will know with absolute certainty that someone voted against you by their family name, the clothes they wear, the food they eat, and because they didn’t fall on their knees to kiss your butt the moment you walked in the room. If you even think someone voted against you, they are The Enemy, remember this and rough ‘em up accordingly. Odds are your career will be just as successful as Miss Cleo’s if you follow your psychic instincts.

Power = wealth within 5 years. Being omnipotent, and psychic too, you are in a position to take advantage of opportunities, whether or not you deserve them. Be creative, and things being what they are, you will make sure to have a retirement package ready for the end of your five-year contract. Just in case. In short, plan for the day when your friends turn out to be enemies you couldn’t see because they ducked behind your butt and planted kisses there for camouflage.

Criticism is always politically motivated. This is where I came in. Try to discipline yourself to recite the mantra “that’s political.” Whenever someone disapproves of your action, be it media, organization or private citizen, say “that’s political” and the comment will magically be made ineffective. Take care with this one though, as the long term effect has more than once been to make ruling governments jobless.

The day that I was so viciously and bilaterally accused, I went home thinking I had done something wrong because I hadn’t convinced my acquaintances that I was on their side. Then I slapped myself silly for thinking that. Hell, I did good, because I established that I wasn’t a party-line toeing robot. I’m a free thinker and as such an endangered species. When we become extinct and the brainwashed members of the political cults take over completely, the country will be utterly lost.

Who is really The Enemy of Belize? Is it the guy selling out your country or the guy telling the truth about the sellout of your country? Answer that correctly and I’ll be the ‘P’ on your side.

*These traits have been widely observed in our leadership over the last few decades. They can appear in any order, and are not limited to those listed above. If you’ve seen others, please feel free to share with the author and readers by clicking ‘comment’ and making your addition.

Whither ACB?

Three or four years ago (their website doesn’t say exactly when) a group of Belizean professionals, enraged by the Social Security scandal, decided to take on the PUP government then in power. Believers and cynics alike watched closely as the Association of Concerned Belizeans attacked with vigour, energy, creativity and a great deal of courage. The ACB, as we all came to know them, became a fairly regular discussion topic for the water cooler crowd.

The cynics claimed the ACB was merely a UDP tool, a claim apparently borne out by the forums held in the early days of their existence, which almost exclusively hosted UDP speakers. The believers, defending the ACB, insisted that labeling them UDP was merely a PUP political tactic, and of course all the speakers had to be UDP since the PUP invitees universally refused to attend. That, they said, was the political equivalent of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Regardless of which side they were on, fair-minded observers had to admire ACB’s dedication, though the cynics clung stubbornly to their labels. However, their last, most epic battle involved taking the government to court over the notorious UHS guarantee, an extremely popular move with the freshly enraged public. Many cynics jumped to the believers’ side of the ACB fence, and public opinion swung decisively against the Musa government.

That court battle is not yet won, as far as we know, but in the meantime, an astounding change of government has taken place and subsequent events, some UHS-related, have dimmed the spotlight that originally shone on that dispute. Immediately after the change the pundits and the public alike began to debate whether the ACB will display similar tenacity in pursuing the actions of the new government if and when the need arises.

According to their website, http://www.acb.org.bz/, we can count on the ACB for exactly that: ‘ACB is primarily established to be a watchdog group on government activities and policies, we also question government's accountability and transparency at any time we feel necessary. Our purpose is to take part in the political process of our nation and to function as a non-partisan organization. We are political without being politicians, everyday our association grows in number and support, based on that philosophy.’

However, as the new government moves its chessmen into place on various boards and representations, we are forced to wonder if the cynics were right. Several of the ACB’s most prominent members have been appointed to key positions, once again dividing the believers and the cynics. The believers contend that these appointments give the ACB the chance to ‘put their money where their mouths were.’ The cynics retort that the view changes when you’re looking from the inside out. Their example is the former ACB President and founder turned UDP campaign manager who now appears to have become everything he once condemned.

The bottom line question we need the ACB to answer is: what is left of their non-partisan organization to question the government’s actions? After all, the change of government and the power it holds combined with the narrow-mindedly partisan habits of Belizean politicians suggests certain predictable actions and therefore requires continued strong vigilance.

License to Govern

A friend of mine saw something yesterday that made her angry, unreasonably so, I thought at first. She saw a government vehicle with red license plates, front and back, bearing the word ‘MINISTER’ in white letters. “It’s only a small law, I know, but then lawbreaking usually starts with the small ones” she observed. For those of you unfamiliar with these things, Belize government vehicles should have blue ‘B’ plates with numbers on them, not words. Those of you familiar with party politics here will understand why lesser men of the current government would have a problem with blue plates, though I shouldn’t have thought the numbers would be offensive.

Why, I asked myself, was my friend so upset? Against the backdrop of $40 million being given to someone who cares not one jot for the welfare of Belize and her people, why would a license plate costing less than $100 in taxpayer funds matter?

Of course, there’s the practical consideration that if twenty or so of these vehicles are distributed throughout the country, and one of them is in an accident or used in the commission of a crime, the usual method of identification is no longer viable for that vehicle.

But that’s not what had my friend so upset. Even she might not understand the basis for her fury, but I think it’s this: if you are a true leader and interested in the welfare of your people, if you have within you the kind of humility seen in the greatest of world leaders, you require no labels to be recognized in your greatness. Conversely, if you do require labels, your insistence on them indicates an inability to demonstrate the sort of leadership this country requires in order to survive its upcoming trials. It shows weakness of purpose. I think my friend was reacting from a subconscious fear that this kind of trivial thinking leads us down a dangerous road.

Here’s the deal MINISTERS, we need you to pay attention to what matters. Get our $40 million back (and all the other millions), put the thieves in jail, stop the killings, deal with the AIDS and drug epidemics, lock the pedophiles away from our children, make the tax evaders pay, and reduce our cost of living. The time you spend being preoccupied with the colour of a license plate and the newness of the vehicle it’s posted on distracts you from all of that. You want my respect? Make my life and lives of the rest of my countrymen better, and try your damndest to stick to the laws of Belize while you’re at it. That’s the only way to show me that you’re better than the last bunch.

In the meantime, you want to improve the appearance of your nice, new, shiny vehicles? Put Belize flags on them. These might serve as reminders to you of who paid for them.

Wish List

I have a wish list for Belize, and it's this:

1. Give us back all the millions, not just the 40 we're talking about right now...WE WANT IT ALL BACK!
2. Put a few people in jail (whoever you can catch, I'm not that choosy) as an example of what not to do to our country. Don't make the cells comfortable either.
3. Make sure that when those people get out of jail, they and their friends are so poor, they have to beg for a job cleaning streets.
4. Cut the PuppetMaster's strings -he has some around necks, and some attached to sticky, pudgy fingers. Cut them all clean. Leaders must lead for the benefit of the country, not its would-be owner.
5. Make political leaders understand that their five-year contract with the voters includes a performance clause with regard to the whole economy, not just their individual cronies and constituents. None are more equal than others in the polling booth.
6. Bring back hanging in a big way...you take my life, society takes yours. Fair exchange is no robbery, right?
7. Get the opposition party to wake up to its faults. You blues can't blame anyone but yourselves for your downfall, and we need you to accept that and move on to being a viable, strong, vocal opposition.
8. Have the media keep up the good work, and let the voters continue to learn the power of words to avert misdeeds.

What are your wishes? Send in your comments.