Wednesday, September 17, 2008

A Solution to Our Crime Problem

Tonight the country of Belize was treated to an episode of Ross Kemp on Gangs filmed mainly in Belize City. Objectively speaking, the show was a mixture of truth and self-serving exaggeration, with a colorful overlay of sensationalistic crap. This is to be expected, but let’s not lose the main point, which is the fact that we really do have a gang problem. We also have a weapons problem, an explosives problem, a drug problem, a crime problem, and a full assortment of sexual problems. Of late, you can even add the problem of constantly disappearing intransit ‘pharmaceuticals’ to this ever-growing list.

Fear not however, this evening’s news reminded us that the authorities are vigorously attacking the [insert name here] situation. They have pulled together all the necessary resources, asserted themselves and…held a press conference! Yes, that’s right, the new head-on method for attacking these problems is to have press conferences wherein senior law enforcement officials explain what they are doing and, uh, why they can’t quite reach that elusive goal of solving The Problem of the Day.

Let’s be fair though, the authorities can't solve all these problems by themselves, can they? If they could, then the problems would hardly be worth the price of Ross Kemp’s plane ticket. These problems won’t be solved until we can all pull together as a community and put up a unified front against crime. Bringing us together will, I realize, require truly strong, moral and upstanding leadership.

We need the kind of credible, trustworthy, nonpolitical leadership we’ve been conditioned to expect from our church leaders. That's why I’m proud to see the Council of Churches speaking up. They even issued a press release recently. In this release, they decried, in the strongest possible terms, the government’s plan to...have the Independence Day parade on, of all days, Independence Day! Yes, this sort of infringement on our collective morals had to be roundly condemned lest it damn our souls for all eternity.

Now, I’m sure that having achieved victory in this major and potentially catastrophic issue, our newly emboldened church leaders will be able to move quickly past it in order to focus on the lesser issues of murder, robbery and general mayhem ensuing in our streets.

I look forward to their press conference.


  1. wcYou forgot the mention of loans..the govt is too busy asking and receiving handouts. As to our church leaders..God forbid..that you don't attend Sunday Mass(the collection plate is the path to heaven and all forgiveness). Our police force is busy this week ensuring that all the major events go off without a grenade incident. Our citizenry 'have to' feel safe, so they can have a good time and spend the money they don't have. As to our foreign dignitaries, they will feel less safe..most of them love Belize, because they can relax and travel with no bodyguard. But it will be a different scenario now. I guess we have more press conferences and city councilor election promises to come.

  2. LMAO!!!!

    seriously dude.. i love how you write.

    you are sooo right though. i thought the same thing about the press conferences. all dressed up, with kids drawings on the back wall as the police give dramatic pause in answering their questions and giving the plan of the day.

    as funny as the post was though... it sucks that we can't as a community, police our surroundings.